Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
