Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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