he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
