you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
my being single is dangerous.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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