but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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