Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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