Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
And then he peed in my hair
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
