People in love make me want to vomit
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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