why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
