So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
