she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize