I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
