Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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