home. puking in laundry basket.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
