i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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