It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Two words: nipple clamps
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