why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
