Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize