Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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