my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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