I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
