the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
