Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
