alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
