I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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