WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
