Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
