then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
