sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
