Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
