Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
