So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
