so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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