we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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