I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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