I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
