if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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