i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
