one might say we're banned from that church
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
