You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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