I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
