I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
This toilet bowl is my home.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
