Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just cropdusted the office
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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