I need to stop coming to work sober
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
