First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize