I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
