i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
