I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Girls should come with a carfax report
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
