ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
