It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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