I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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