Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
