Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
