You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
