What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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