i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
time to smoke my breakfast
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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