i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize