So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
