And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
