We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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