he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize