This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
