Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
