Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
