he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
