I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize