You made me cry and you don't even care
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
