so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
