I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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