you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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