she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize