i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
