He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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