I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
