I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
