So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
