Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
