last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
