She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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