he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
