I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
