I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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