Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
