he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
That accounts for only three of the penises
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm like, not good at living.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
