hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she told me i tasted like america
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
