I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
