there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She told me I should be a condom model.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
