i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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