Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
