I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
