Whod you bang
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
