You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
